This article is a bit of a departure for us, as we are going to have a moan. But sometimes, there is a need to get something said, and the target of our bitchy commentary and passive aggression are latte-drinking motorcycle designers.
Although we have had a subtle dig about brake and clutch lines, boiling fluids and the heat from catalytic converters recently, if we let the proverbial dog off the leash, the team would also like to moan about screens, luggage, Yamaha seats, Honda heated grips and that stupid light that comes on when it is cold to tell you it is cold.
But let’s keep our moaning under control. After all, who wants to listen to us complain? Suck it up and go for a ride.
The Problem
Motorcycles are compact modes of transport. Compared to the average three-tonne truck you see parked outside your local school waiting to collect the kids, we are a third as wide, half the length and around a tenth of the weight.
Motorcycle designers have to pack all the same motoring essentials in this compact space. Euro 5 requires ABS and catalytic converters. Computers control emissions. Led headlights to save weight and power. Radiators, fans and expansion tanks are all required to keep the highly strung engines from munching on their internals.
All of this is packed into a tight frame where the parts that run hot are in close company with the parts that run cold, and space is always at a premium.
The Excuses
Sometimes, the situation the designers find themselves in will be unavoidable. The Catalytic Converter can’t go anywhere but with the exhaust. Single-cylinder bikes are easier; look at the BSA Gold Star, where the CAT is a beautiful simple bulge in the pipework. But add even one more cylinder, and all the header pipes must meet somewhere before going into the CAT.
But is that an acceptable excuse for mounting the CAT directly in front of the rear tyre, so an isolated patch of the tyre gets heat soaked while the rest of the bike cools?
Or is it a good enough justification for putting the rear brake master cylinder inches from the CAT, ensuring the brake fluid receives an extra 20 minutes in the oven at gas mark 6?
Motorcycle Designers
Designers and customers want attractive motorcycles. It doesn’t always follow that what is designed is beautiful – the eye of the beholder and all that – and there have been some notable differences of opinion between motorcycle designers and their potential customers.
Asking the question on Twitter, the 2004 Multistrada, Harley Pan European and the Bimoto Mantra were all quoted as good examples of motorcycle designers’ “misalignment” with customers’ desires. Despite those contenders, some say the Morbidelli V8 remains the absolute winner, especially the version with twin headlights.
Yet when making a motorcycle look “pretty” wins over being able to perform simple tasks efficiently, it tends to boil my biscuits.
Why is it necessary to strip so much of a modern motorcycle down to change the air filter? Is there no way to have pressurised airboxes without hiding the air filter under sixteen plastic panels and a fuel tank?
Why does KTM put the brake bleed nipples behind the front mudguard stays on a KTM 1090?
Thankfully MRA has a very successful business, fixing the issues caused by so many original screens. I’ve used MRA screens on my last three bikes, and I’m sure one will appear on my next. But why is it so difficult for motorcycle designers to get screens right out of the factory?
Why does Ducati invert the rear calliper on a Multistrada so it can’t be bled properly? And why do you need to remove the exhaust so the rear wheel can come out, just to get the calliper off?
And my personal whinge that is driving me towards replacing the panniers on the Tracer 9GT: Why can I not get a small laptop into the oh-so-fashionable panniers that came with the bike? Is it so I would buy the top box? I did buy one, but I went to SW-Motech. Half the price, twice the quality. Well, almost.
Saturday Night – Sunday Morning
The question was once asked at a bike launch why the manufacturer had made something so complex. The reply – on the QT – was that the designers had given the engineers the dimensions, and those dimensions were not going to change. The engineer’s job was to make it fit. So, sadly, it seems the trend is set to continue.
The designers believe it is all about looking good on a Saturday night. Meanwhile, the engineers are all about avoiding the hangover on a Sunday morning.
Given a choice, which way would you go?
To overextend the analogy, I’ll go with enjoying my eggs and bacon on a Sunday morning without too much of a headache.
And now, feeling so much better after a decent whinge, we will get back to being irrepressibly happy and rejoicing in the positives that motorcycles bring to the world.
Clarity
The header image used in this article is based on an original work by Andrea Sanchez and is used here under license.
